Caged Reptile
by School Escapee
Summary: Doflamingo gets bored and decides to pay his little Crocie a visit in jail. Yaoi but nothing too serious just a few hints. please read and review, rated T for safety and a few adult jokes. It's just a short drabbly one-shot. Written for the great Lolly!


A/N: Hi! ALRIGHT! Let's cut to the chase! This story is made due to a challenge by Lolly Dream. The plot is "Do-Do bird *ahem* i mean Doflamingo gets bored and decides to pay his big boy Crocie a visit. " Yaoi material. may be light or a hard core porno, I haven't decided yet... There are a few references to my story "7 Deadly Sinners" thrown in too so you may wana check that out before this... Warnings of minor grammaticerrors but its still readable so enjoy! Criticism is welcome, along with praise (especially the praise XD) and I ask, if you do wanna critisize, for each insult, add ten compliments for the sake of my ego! :P

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Doflamingo sat in his throne room (that he had specialy made because it only seemed fair for the greatness of him should have one or two... or 19 thrones.) lazily, picking a buger with his left pinky. Once he managed to find one big enough, he attempted to flick it at the Cabin boy's face as one of his "I'm so bored! Just shoot me!" kind of games. After his ninth consecutive miss, he grew irritated and decided it was time to overreact.

"This is STUPID! No wonder I keep losing! My cabin boy is a MIGIT! He's only four feet tall! I'm three times his height! Get me a bigger cabin boy!" He yelled. The cabin boy stumbled away in fear and hurriedly searched for a taller one.

He came stumbling back a minute later with a 6ft 5in. Cabin boy only to find the throne room empty. "S-Sir?"

xXxXxXx

"Hmm! Hm! Hmm! Hm! Hmm! Hm! Hmm! ... Hmm! Hm! Hmm! Hm! Hmmmmm!" Doflamingo hummed the song "Bink's Sake" as he skipped across the upper deck. He decided he wanted to change coarse because he was no longer bored and feeling more peppy. And when his mood changes, so should the world around him. It only seemed fair.

"Navigator people!" He yelled, his small group of navigator's gathering in front of him shortly after.

"We're changing coarse!" he declared, them responding with groans of annoyance.

"Where's yourenthusiasm?" he asked witha large grin. They responded with quiet and sarcastic "Yay..."'s

"Where's your enthusiasm?" he asked again with a monotonevoice and a serious face. They paused for a few silent seconds to interpret the situation before yelling wild cheers that, to the skilled ear, had absolutely no motivation.

"...Better." He said with a shrug while picking his nose again.

"Ummm. Sir? Where are we changing coarse to?" questioned one of them after another awkward silence.

"Good question! Where? ... Let's Brain Storm!" He said, flicking the buger he just picked at the navigator who asked the question.

"Hmmmm... How about the KamabakkaKingdom? Most of them are hideous but after scanning the crowd and looking deep beneath that heavy make-up, there's always that one hunk who got there by strange means. ...Like if Kuma were in a foul mood and teleported one there!" Doflamingo suggested, getting a few "Are you Crazy?" glances directed at him in response. "You never know..." He mumbled like a child.

"Sir. If I may suggest. Perhaps you have an old friend of some kind to visit?" one finally suggested after several minutes of contemplation.

"Hmmm? An old friend?" he thought aloud, tapping his chin with his index finger in contemplation. "How about Mihawk! ... No. I think he's still mad about the whole "accidental rape" incident..." He said with a frown.

"Kuma's too hard to track down... Moria's a flat-out freak... Hancock's mean to me... Whitebeard'sstill mad about that "fish in the *censored* with the *censored* rammed up his *censored*" incident... barely escaped alive that time." he thought aloud, the last one making the navigator's flinch in disgust.

"Ooo! How about Crocie! He's easy to find and everything!" Doflamingo declared, proud to know he had at least one 'friend' to visit.

"Sir. He's in Impel Down." a navigator reminded.

"That's why he's easy to find! And I can get myself in! I have connections..." He said, reaching for the Den-Den Mushi. "... Yea, Hello? Gummy bear, is that you? ... Fine, I'll adress you properly! Vice Admiral Garp! I need your help! ... I need you to get me into Impel Down. ... Just so I can visit a 'friend'. ... No! Nothing evil is planned. ... You're the best! Love you Gummy Bear ... Bye!"

The navigators stood bewildered from what they heard out of the conversation. "Okay! We Are In!" Doflamingo said. "All we have to do is sail to the front gates and he'll arrange for them to let me in! You guys'll have to wait outside though" he said, sticking out his tongue.

"Yes, Sir!" They said obediently, realizing how unfair and selfish this trip was but unable to do a thing about it.

A week or so later, they finally made it and Doflamingo couldn't be more exited. Neither could the buger-covered cabin-boy... "Finally! This took forever! It better be worth it! If he's not nice after all the trouble I went through, I'll rip off his testi-" "Captain! The cake you wanted is finished." the cook announced, sparing you readers from the graphic torture Doflamingo had planned, and handing Doflamingo a box containing a cake the size of a pizza and the height of an average thumb.

Doflamingo walked into the open door and his "tour-guide" was Magellan himself as he feared that Doflamingo would threaten the perfect order of the safest prison in the world.

"Ahem! As you know, I don't trust pirates and I wouldn't have even let you past the front gate if Vice-Admiral Garp hadn't given me the order!" Magellan explained.

"Yea, Yea! Can we get to the point! I'm here to visit Crocie!" Doflamingo commented, once again picking his nose.

"If I'm going to give a tour to a barbarian like you unwillingly, I'll do it properly!" Magellan insisted.

"Me? A Barbarian?" Doflamingo asked in a mock, sarcastic voice.

"Ahem! On to the first floor. This is where all of the-" His voice drifted off, either because of the jugs of rum he just drank beforehand or the fact that what Magellan was saying was BORING CRAP!

In order to pass the time, he picked a few bugers and flung them at prisoners he was passing by. By the end of the first floor's tour, he was out of bugers to pick and was out of things to do. He attempted humming but Magellan got annoyed and told him to stay quiet and attentive during a tour, knowing full well that Doflamingo would do neither.

The tours of each floor got shorter though as Magellan wanted to skip through the boiling and freezing hell for obvious reasons and pretty soon they were ending the tour of the 5th floor finally! "Oh thank God! Off to Crocie!" Doflamingo finally declared.

"What? How'd he escape? Catch him immediately! I'll be right up!" Magellan yelled into an ear-piece that connected to is Den-Den Mushi. "You'll have to leave now, We're having technical difficulties!" He spoke to Doflamingo.

"...What?" Doflamingo yelled in growing outrage. "Oh HELL NO! I sat through your crappy-assed boring tour for 20 minutes, just to get shooed away! No!" he yelled.

"... Fine. I'll take you down to level 6 but when I come back, you have to leave. You don't have keys anyways and you're a devil's fruit user so you can't do much."

"Woohoo!" Doflamingo jumped. Magellan hurriedly escorted him down before running off and Doflamingo was left to wander the 6 level. The place wasn't that big and there were only ten or so cages so it wasn't that hard to find Crocodile.

"Yo!" Doflamingo said happily, slipping the cake between the bars. Crocodile opened it curiously, expecting a bomb, knowing how sick Doflamingo's mind was only to find a half ruined cake that had been tumbling around in the box.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Crocodile asked suspiciously, thinking of this as one of the prison's many unique tortures.

"I thought you'd be lonely. And I was bored... Give me some of that cake!" Doflamingo said, reaching through the bars to grab a chunk of the piled up cake that he brought.

"That answer is so stupid that it has to be true coming from you." Crocodile thought aloud logically. He secretly breathed a sigh of relief that this wasn't the marine's doing as he slowly picked up a piece of the cake himself.

"How the hell are you still flaunting a six pack?" Doflamingo asked shocked after looking the man up and down out of hormonal instinct, seeing it through the skin tight prison jumpsuit. "Don't you have to eat healthy and crap? I heard the food here is shit!"

Crocodile couldn't help but smirk at the new topic and said "Oh yea, the food is crap. I get bored so I train for the day I plan to kill a few people."

"Ha! Who you planning on killing?" Doflamingo asked, finding the conversation going well.

Crocodile had half the mind to say a sly comment like "At the moment, I'm considering you." but decided to show some good will to the man who went out of his way to visit him and said "All of the marines." simply with a smirk.

"Oh! All of 'em? Well count me in! I'll be your right hand man." he said, glancing down to make sure that the other man's hook was on the left side, which it thankfully was.

After a moment of silence Crocodile finally spoke up asking with a slight stutter at the beginning that almost went unnoticed "W-Wanna walk while we talk?"

"As great as that sounds, I don't see how we can! You're in a cage and your cuffs are bolted to the wall." Doflamingo reminded with his tongue dangling out.

I broke the chain connecting me to the wall awhile ago without these stupid marines noticing and-" he paused in talking as he put his left arm around the bar of the cage and stuffed his hook into the lock hole, jiggling it around a bit before a soft click was heard and the gate swung open. "What cage?"

"If it weren't for the seastone handcuffs, I'd have been out of here awhile ago." he held back the piece of info that he really was choosing to stay here, him having lost interest in the outside world after his crushing defeat by Strawhat because it didn't seem appropriate at the moment.

"You know, I gotta say, you really do pull off the prison look. Doflamingo casually commented as they strolled around the floor.

"Hmm? How so?" Crocodile questioned. He knew what Doflamingo meant but he secretly wanted to milk out the compliment.

"I mean look at you! You're skin looks great because of the sweat that adds a sparkle to it, and the light coat of dirt which adds more color to it. Sadly, while it looks great, it doesn't smell it. The stripes suit you for reasons unknown. Probably 'cuz of the hook which just screams "I'm a rebel" And the one who picked these prison jumpsuits must've been gay cuz they look skintight and amazing!" Doflamingo rambled, poking the other man's muscular chest as he spoke of the jumpsuit.

"You really find the suit attractive? You're messed up in the head. " Crocodile said with a scowl.

"Oh come on! You look like a Zebra! Zebra's are cute..." Doflamingo teased.

"Says the one who models himself as a flamingo! I'd look better in reptile skin." Crocodile mumbled as a discreet attempt at a joke.

"...Ha! Cuz ur name is Crocodile? ...Hilarious!" Doflamingo commented, actually picking up on the joke.

After a few chuckles at the joke, they faded into an awkward silence once more and Crocodile absent-mindedly fiddled with his hook. "Hmmm. A big shiny hook? I bet that makes you popular with the ladies!" Doflaingo joked, seeing that as an opportunity for a new topic.

"Ha! Ladies?" Crocodile questioned before catching his slip of the tongue, hoping Doflamingo wouldn't pick up.

"Oh! So Crocie's the type who needs a big strong man at his side at all times?" Doflamingo joked. "Or do you like to be the alpha-male?" Doflamingo mocked again, continuing to poke fun, much to 'Crocie''s misery.

"At least I chose a gender and stuck to it!" Crocodile snapped as a desperate attempt to get revenge.

Doflamingo stopped dead in his tracks for a second, turned around and grabbed Crocodile, rushingly throwing the man over his shoulder. As soon as they reached the cage, Doflamingo threw him in and closed it, seconds before Magellan entered the floor.

"Okay. The party's over." Magellan said, shooing Doflamingo away.

"See you next week." Doflamingo said while he was pushed away. Crocodile watched as Doflamingo left and they made eye contact one last time and Doflamingo took that as an opportunity to mouth the word "_Men_!" to Crocodile. He was sure Crocie recieved the message when he saw him look to the ground with a smirk and licked his lower lip.

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A/N: Woot! Shorter than I intended but I still feel good about it. It's a decent one-shot.

This is the last story of yaoiness I need to write before I can become a Yaoi Supernova at Lolly Dream's forum "The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild"! I suggest you go check it out by going to Lolly Dream's page and clicking 'my forums'! You'll be taken straight to it! Just go to 'Meet and Greet' and say I sent you along with a short bio and you'll be doing me a great favor! ;) Plus its a lot of fun and I'm addicted XD I ask if you read it but don't feel like reviewing or dont have anything to say, just say"hi" or "good" to let me know you read!

Gotta love those ATTENTION WHORES! :P


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